eclipse

I can't seem to get excited about anything.
Excitement just brings me down.
For anything that's about to come about.
It's the brightest of times that seem
the most dark to me.

It's when the people gather 'round
in anticipation.
And all eyes are on a prize.
When all I'm doing is looking
looking for ways to get through
such times - to escape.

No one seems to understand.
No one seems to care why
I'm at the very edge of the party
or why I'm not even comfortable
there.

Don't you get it?
I don't belong with you lot.
I find no solace in your happiness.
I can't even find my own
nor masterly assume or pretend
to experience
not even when I'm alone.

I can't seem to live up to the hype
surrounding your everythings.
Not your movies, your games, your events,
or social gatherings.
Nothing gets me excited. Nothing gets me pumped.
And yet here you are stumped as to why
I have not yet seen the light.

I wish I knew I really do.
I wish I could show you something genuine,
incandescent.
I wish I could be happy just like you
and had something to look forward to
for once.